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Wee Edward In America
Nov. 4th, 2024 08:31 pm Idol Mini-Season 2024
Prompt 14: “A genius is the one most like himself"
Due Date: November 7, 2024
Customs had not only seized Cullain, but they had taken Wee Edward’s sidhean, his wand made out wood from a rowan tree. “Can’t let you bring wands into the U.S.,” the customs agent had said, apologetically. “We’re a non-magical country.”
Ullapoo is a small fishing village on the west coast of Scotland. It is nothing like Manhattan, which is where Wee Edward currently found himself, standing in the center of Central Park, without his sprite and wand, next to a fountain with a statue of an angel. “Not a good beginning,” he thought. He tried talking to the angel, but she didn’t answer. He wasn’t surprised; after all, this wasn’t Scotland.
He didn’t know it, but more people were staring at Wee Edward than at the famous fountain. He was an imposing 6’5” tall, muscular, with a bushy black beard, wearing a red plaid kilt and ghillie shirt. His nickname was “Wee” because his two older brothers were even taller than he was. They were Not So Wee Angus (6’7”) and Friggin’ Huge Duncan, who was 6’10” tall. He missed Not and Friggin. They would come in handy on this assignment, but they couldn’t leave the land, especially for some place like Manhattan.
Wee was a very powerful Scottish draoidh, or wizard, but he wasn’t feeling too powerful at the moment. In fact, he was feeling quite lost. He was looking for Hudson University, where his assignment was rumored to be hiding under the name Fiona Stewart. He tried asking for directions, but everyone just looked past him, although one had snickered “tourist.”
This wasn’t his first trip to New York, but things had changed a lot in 300 years, and not for the good. Still, he had a job to do and then he could go home, which he missed. A lot. Also, the longer he was away from Ullapool, the weaker his power became, so there was definitely a ticking clock on this assignment. He couldn’t go back empty-handed. What would the Council say?
The Council of Scottish Magical Beings had given Wee his assignment. Made up of the strongest supernatural beings in Scotland, the Council was in charge of keeping Scotland’s peculiar magic in Scotland. It was good for tourism, of course, and it complied with the International Compact on Protecting Regional Magic, which controlled not only wizards and wise women, but all folk-based magic, including banshees, selkies, blue men, caoineags, and all the other weird creatures which populated the Scottish folk imagination.
Wee’s target, Fiona, was a shape-shifting baobhan sith, a fairy vampire who could appear as a young woman. Baobhan siths can lure men with their beauty and dancing skills before attacking them and using their fingernails to drain their blood.
Fiona had escaped Scotland for richer hunting grounds. Scottish men knew to be wary of beautiful women, especially those who liked to dance. In America, attractive women were viewed as prizes and feeding was easy, especially at Hudson University. Not only were there lots of young, healthy men, but the university was known for its high crime rate. A few more dead students now and then wouldn’t raise any concerns.
Wee finally bought a map. He also realized that a giant in a kilt wandering around a college campus looking for a woman might raise suspicions, so he hid in one of the woodier areas of the park and cast a spell on himself, turning into Dylan, a standard-issue college male, scruffy, wearing ratty jeans and a faded Hudson Hawks t-shirt. He also changed his heavy, nearly-indecipherable Scottish brogue into a vague American accent, completely understandable but totally without charm.
“Fiona’s not the only one who can shape-shift,” he thought, with some satisfaction.
He took a few busses from Central Park to Hudson University. Once he arrived, he was overwhelmed. Hudson University was huge, with 25,000 students, nearly twenty times the size of Ullapool. Fiona could be anywhere. He really needed Culain, whose genius included planning.
With the help of an obliging administrative aid, Wee quickly found out that she was not enrolled as a student, nor was she a Hudson employee. This only made things worse. Finding a random person was nearly impossible.
“What would Culain do?” he thought. He knew several things about Fiona. She was beautiful; she probably had a Scottish accent; she liked to dance; and she would have long fingernails. There were a number of clubs and bars near campus that featured dancing and were popular with students. “I’ll start with those,” he thought. But he would have to wait – it was only early afternoon.
Wee found a nearby bar where he settled in to wait. He found out that hamburgers were surprisingly good and that American beer was surprisingly bad. Back home, he liked to drink Innis or Red Kite. When no one was looking, he passed his hand over the beer, spoke a few untranslatable words, and then he had a nice Red Kite.
Wee passed a few hours this way, and being Scottish, the beer had no effect on him. The other patrons in the bar were all friendly, but none of them were Fiona.
As fun as this was, he knew he was wasting time. Culain hated it when he was just faffin' aboot, but again, what would Culain be doing? Then a thought hit Wee – fingernails! Fiona’s long nails would need lots of maintenance from sticking them into poor victims. And fingernails meant nail salons. There were some nearby, so Wee went to work.
He went from salon to salon describing Fiona, his missing sister, but no one knew anything about her. It wasn’t a complete failure though; he got his first manicure from a sympathetic technician.
Finally, it was dancing time. There was an area south of the campus that students frequented, with a wide selection of bars and restaurants. “If she’s anywhere, she’s here,” thought Wee.
He managed to search a handful of clubs without success, but he did learn to dance like an American guy, which seemed to involve a lot of flailing and running in place. He also impressed a lot of people when he showed them a few Scottish céilidh dances. Strip the Willow was especially popular. He wound up with a lot of free beer and a couple of phone numbers. Culain would not have approved, but he was a bit of a doonser.
“Who knew looking for Fiona would be so much fun?” he thought on his way back to the hotel.
He woke up late the next morning with a headache and an even worse problem. His Dylan was looking a little faded and shimmery around the edges. “My magic’s wearing down,” he thought. “I can’t be wasting any more time.”
He needed a better plan, and over breakfast he thought of something that Culain would have liked, something that would allow him to sort through a lot of women quickly.
Wee spent the day much like he had spent the previous ones. Beer and hamburgers, followed by nail salons. By nighttime, he had the best-looking hands of any guy at Hudson.
The first club used a streaming device for music, which was perfect. The dance floor was jammed when Wee went up to the digital jukebox. The song he wanted wasn’t there, so he muttered a few words and it started to play “500 Miles” by the Scottish group The Proclaimers. The dancers all went back to their seats.
At the third club, Wee finally struck gold. Soon after “500 Miles” started playing, all the dancers again abandoned the dance floor. Except one.
She was young, gorgeous, with long black hair and fair skin. She was wearing a short green dress which accentuated her figure. And she had long fingernails. She was out on the dance floor by herself, twirling and moving to the music. All the men’s eyes were on her, especially Wee’s. It was Fiona, at last.
As a draoidh, Wee could see Fiona’s true shape, just as Fiona could see his. Fiona didn’t run, she just kept dancing until the song ended.
“So, you’ve found me at last,” she said. “Where are Not and Friggin?”
“At home, where you belong,” said Wee.
Fiona knew she couldn’t escape, and being so far from Scotland, her magic was also wearing thin. She had fed until she had no more appetite for American men. The police were finally starting to look for her. It was time to go home.
They left the bar quietly. Wee changed back to his true form – huge, beard, kilt, and all. Fiona remained Fiona, and enjoyed the clumsy, sly stares a little longer.
At the airport, Wee remembered to pick up his wand and Culain, who had spent his time with a few leprechauns who had taught him to play poker and, better yet, how to cheat. Culain was ready to return to Scotland as well, so he climbed into Wee’s pouch and settled in.
Not and Friggin met them at the airport and drove them back to Ullapoo. Wee handed Fiona over to the Council, which restricted her to Scotland. She could still feed on any Scot foolish enough to dance with a beautiful lass. Wee introduced his brothers to the hamburger and French fries, which all agreed were better than fish and chips. He did a little helpful magic around the village as he waited for his next Council assignment, while Culain taught poker to the local sprites so he could cheat them. “If it’s good enough for leprechauns,” he thought, “it’s good enough for me.”
____________________________________________
"I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by The Proclaimers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUv0NbjbGzQ
Sidhean – a draoidh’s wand.
Baobhan sith - Similar to a vampire or succubus. They appear as beautiful women who prey on men. They lure their victims by enchanting them with their beauty, then dancing with them until the men are exhausted. Once the men are vulnerable, the baobhan sith drain their blood using their fingernails to sustain themselves.
Ghillie shirt – A shirt traditionally worn with a kilt.
Faffin' aboot - A Scottish slang phrase that means wasting time or messing around.
Doonser – Someone who is a downer or killjoy.
Céilidh (pronounced "kay-lee") - a traditional Scottish social gathering that involves music, dancing, storytelling, and singing.
Strip the Willow - Strip the Willow is a popular energetic ceilidh dance.
Prompt 14: “A genius is the one most like himself"
Due Date: November 7, 2024
WEE EDWARD IN AMERICA
“The best thing is to be a genius,” thought Wee Edward Campbell, lately of Ullapool, Scotland. While he was smart, he knew he wasn’t that smart. “Second best is to have one in your pocket.”
Unfortunately, Airport Customs had confiscated Cullain, his pocket genius, as a non-native animal. Cullain was a sprite that Wee Edward kept in the pouch he wore on the front of his kilt. “I have to remember to pick him up on my way home,” he thought.Customs had not only seized Cullain, but they had taken Wee Edward’s sidhean, his wand made out wood from a rowan tree. “Can’t let you bring wands into the U.S.,” the customs agent had said, apologetically. “We’re a non-magical country.”
Ullapoo is a small fishing village on the west coast of Scotland. It is nothing like Manhattan, which is where Wee Edward currently found himself, standing in the center of Central Park, without his sprite and wand, next to a fountain with a statue of an angel. “Not a good beginning,” he thought. He tried talking to the angel, but she didn’t answer. He wasn’t surprised; after all, this wasn’t Scotland.
He didn’t know it, but more people were staring at Wee Edward than at the famous fountain. He was an imposing 6’5” tall, muscular, with a bushy black beard, wearing a red plaid kilt and ghillie shirt. His nickname was “Wee” because his two older brothers were even taller than he was. They were Not So Wee Angus (6’7”) and Friggin’ Huge Duncan, who was 6’10” tall. He missed Not and Friggin. They would come in handy on this assignment, but they couldn’t leave the land, especially for some place like Manhattan.
Wee was a very powerful Scottish draoidh, or wizard, but he wasn’t feeling too powerful at the moment. In fact, he was feeling quite lost. He was looking for Hudson University, where his assignment was rumored to be hiding under the name Fiona Stewart. He tried asking for directions, but everyone just looked past him, although one had snickered “tourist.”
This wasn’t his first trip to New York, but things had changed a lot in 300 years, and not for the good. Still, he had a job to do and then he could go home, which he missed. A lot. Also, the longer he was away from Ullapool, the weaker his power became, so there was definitely a ticking clock on this assignment. He couldn’t go back empty-handed. What would the Council say?
The Council of Scottish Magical Beings had given Wee his assignment. Made up of the strongest supernatural beings in Scotland, the Council was in charge of keeping Scotland’s peculiar magic in Scotland. It was good for tourism, of course, and it complied with the International Compact on Protecting Regional Magic, which controlled not only wizards and wise women, but all folk-based magic, including banshees, selkies, blue men, caoineags, and all the other weird creatures which populated the Scottish folk imagination.
Wee’s target, Fiona, was a shape-shifting baobhan sith, a fairy vampire who could appear as a young woman. Baobhan siths can lure men with their beauty and dancing skills before attacking them and using their fingernails to drain their blood.
Fiona had escaped Scotland for richer hunting grounds. Scottish men knew to be wary of beautiful women, especially those who liked to dance. In America, attractive women were viewed as prizes and feeding was easy, especially at Hudson University. Not only were there lots of young, healthy men, but the university was known for its high crime rate. A few more dead students now and then wouldn’t raise any concerns.
Wee finally bought a map. He also realized that a giant in a kilt wandering around a college campus looking for a woman might raise suspicions, so he hid in one of the woodier areas of the park and cast a spell on himself, turning into Dylan, a standard-issue college male, scruffy, wearing ratty jeans and a faded Hudson Hawks t-shirt. He also changed his heavy, nearly-indecipherable Scottish brogue into a vague American accent, completely understandable but totally without charm.
“Fiona’s not the only one who can shape-shift,” he thought, with some satisfaction.
He took a few busses from Central Park to Hudson University. Once he arrived, he was overwhelmed. Hudson University was huge, with 25,000 students, nearly twenty times the size of Ullapool. Fiona could be anywhere. He really needed Culain, whose genius included planning.
With the help of an obliging administrative aid, Wee quickly found out that she was not enrolled as a student, nor was she a Hudson employee. This only made things worse. Finding a random person was nearly impossible.
“What would Culain do?” he thought. He knew several things about Fiona. She was beautiful; she probably had a Scottish accent; she liked to dance; and she would have long fingernails. There were a number of clubs and bars near campus that featured dancing and were popular with students. “I’ll start with those,” he thought. But he would have to wait – it was only early afternoon.
Wee found a nearby bar where he settled in to wait. He found out that hamburgers were surprisingly good and that American beer was surprisingly bad. Back home, he liked to drink Innis or Red Kite. When no one was looking, he passed his hand over the beer, spoke a few untranslatable words, and then he had a nice Red Kite.
Wee passed a few hours this way, and being Scottish, the beer had no effect on him. The other patrons in the bar were all friendly, but none of them were Fiona.
As fun as this was, he knew he was wasting time. Culain hated it when he was just faffin' aboot, but again, what would Culain be doing? Then a thought hit Wee – fingernails! Fiona’s long nails would need lots of maintenance from sticking them into poor victims. And fingernails meant nail salons. There were some nearby, so Wee went to work.
He went from salon to salon describing Fiona, his missing sister, but no one knew anything about her. It wasn’t a complete failure though; he got his first manicure from a sympathetic technician.
Finally, it was dancing time. There was an area south of the campus that students frequented, with a wide selection of bars and restaurants. “If she’s anywhere, she’s here,” thought Wee.
He managed to search a handful of clubs without success, but he did learn to dance like an American guy, which seemed to involve a lot of flailing and running in place. He also impressed a lot of people when he showed them a few Scottish céilidh dances. Strip the Willow was especially popular. He wound up with a lot of free beer and a couple of phone numbers. Culain would not have approved, but he was a bit of a doonser.
“Who knew looking for Fiona would be so much fun?” he thought on his way back to the hotel.
He woke up late the next morning with a headache and an even worse problem. His Dylan was looking a little faded and shimmery around the edges. “My magic’s wearing down,” he thought. “I can’t be wasting any more time.”
He needed a better plan, and over breakfast he thought of something that Culain would have liked, something that would allow him to sort through a lot of women quickly.
Wee spent the day much like he had spent the previous ones. Beer and hamburgers, followed by nail salons. By nighttime, he had the best-looking hands of any guy at Hudson.
The first club used a streaming device for music, which was perfect. The dance floor was jammed when Wee went up to the digital jukebox. The song he wanted wasn’t there, so he muttered a few words and it started to play “500 Miles” by the Scottish group The Proclaimers. The dancers all went back to their seats.
At the third club, Wee finally struck gold. Soon after “500 Miles” started playing, all the dancers again abandoned the dance floor. Except one.
She was young, gorgeous, with long black hair and fair skin. She was wearing a short green dress which accentuated her figure. And she had long fingernails. She was out on the dance floor by herself, twirling and moving to the music. All the men’s eyes were on her, especially Wee’s. It was Fiona, at last.
As a draoidh, Wee could see Fiona’s true shape, just as Fiona could see his. Fiona didn’t run, she just kept dancing until the song ended.
“So, you’ve found me at last,” she said. “Where are Not and Friggin?”
“At home, where you belong,” said Wee.
Fiona knew she couldn’t escape, and being so far from Scotland, her magic was also wearing thin. She had fed until she had no more appetite for American men. The police were finally starting to look for her. It was time to go home.
They left the bar quietly. Wee changed back to his true form – huge, beard, kilt, and all. Fiona remained Fiona, and enjoyed the clumsy, sly stares a little longer.
At the airport, Wee remembered to pick up his wand and Culain, who had spent his time with a few leprechauns who had taught him to play poker and, better yet, how to cheat. Culain was ready to return to Scotland as well, so he climbed into Wee’s pouch and settled in.
Not and Friggin met them at the airport and drove them back to Ullapoo. Wee handed Fiona over to the Council, which restricted her to Scotland. She could still feed on any Scot foolish enough to dance with a beautiful lass. Wee introduced his brothers to the hamburger and French fries, which all agreed were better than fish and chips. He did a little helpful magic around the village as he waited for his next Council assignment, while Culain taught poker to the local sprites so he could cheat them. “If it’s good enough for leprechauns,” he thought, “it’s good enough for me.”
____________________________________________
"I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by The Proclaimers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUv0NbjbGzQ
Sidhean – a draoidh’s wand.
Baobhan sith - Similar to a vampire or succubus. They appear as beautiful women who prey on men. They lure their victims by enchanting them with their beauty, then dancing with them until the men are exhausted. Once the men are vulnerable, the baobhan sith drain their blood using their fingernails to sustain themselves.
Ghillie shirt – A shirt traditionally worn with a kilt.
Faffin' aboot - A Scottish slang phrase that means wasting time or messing around.
Doonser – Someone who is a downer or killjoy.
Céilidh (pronounced "kay-lee") - a traditional Scottish social gathering that involves music, dancing, storytelling, and singing.
Strip the Willow - Strip the Willow is a popular energetic ceilidh dance.
