THE DAY THE MUSIC DIED
Sep. 16th, 2014 03:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rayasoSeason 9, Week 20
“The Music Made Me Do It”
It was a dark day, and getting darker. Everywhere, massive thunderclouds unleashed lightening blasts too powerful for any ordinary storm, and weather broadcasters were reduced to using Biblical terms: “Who pissed off God?” asked TV personality Traci Williams on little KRCR, just before the station was blasted out of existence by an especially fierce bolt. God was angry, and not at humans for a change. His Celestial Choir had just disbanded, citing “artistic differences.”
In Heaven, the angels wept, and on Earth, the seas were starting to rise. True believers began building arks, but progress was slow as they squabbled over who was the next new Noah and the actual length of a cubit. Doubters concentrated on other doubts.
Heaven was fighting back, and it was all the doing of one of its own.
It was the angel Briathos' job to thwart demons, but after demons became more metaphorical and less material, he didn’t have much to do. Then, it occurred to him that he hadn’t been thinking big enough. After all, “demon” covered a lot of territory, possibly even Hell, although Hell wasn’t really in his job description. Why not go after the biggest demon of all? Satan had been getting away with too much for too long, yet God just kept saying to be patient, that all would be revealed in time. But Briathos was not convinced. How long had it been since the Rebellion? Hell was flourishing, and Earth was still having religious wars!
Why not take on the Great Deceiver personally? Now there was a challenge worthy of his special talent – the long con. Satan was just another sucker, even though he could breathe fire and rip out souls.
Briathos didn’t bother to ask for God’s permission – there would have been too many forms involved. Besides, He knew everything. If He didn’t stop Briathos, He must have approved. Plus, forgiveness was automatic in Heaven.
A con was a con, and even an angelic one still relied on one basic element: greed. If the mark wanted something badly enough, he would overlook all warning signs in his desire to get it, whether it was money or power or sex. Satan wanted revenge so desperately, Hell burned with it, and Satan was proud – the proudest of them all: it got him kicked out of Heaven. Briathos figured he could certainly work with that.
He needed a way to introduce mercy into Hell. Heaven overflowed with it, but it was completely absent from Satan’s domain. The very Foundation of Hell was built on one principle: no mercy, forever. If you didn’t make it into Heaven, or at least Purgatory, your immortal soul was consigned to the indescribable, unimaginable torment of Hell for eternity, and it would only get worse, never better. Satan’s minions might get a vacation day now and then, but they were special. They weren’t there for the torture, they ran the place.
If Briathos could get Satan to act just once with even the smallest amount of mercy, the Foundation would crack, and even the tiniest chip would eventually make Hell come tumbling down. Best of all, he essentially had forever for it to happen.
The prize for Satan was going to be the Celestial Choir, one of God’s earliest and most cherished accomplishments. Its divine music filled Creation, for those who listened. Getting the cooperation of the Choir turned out to be easy, as they had been singing since the First Cause, and wanted a break.
Briathos' bait was Yoko Ono, the mortal wife of John Lennon, unfairly pilloried for breaking up the Beatles, and on track for Purgatory. He thought that if he could temporarily divert her to Hell and use her as a Trojan horse, his plan would work.
Shortly before her death, he appeared before Yoko in a vision, and told her that she was going to Hell, but she could get out if she convinced Satan she could ruin the Celestial Choir by infecting it with the Ono virus, the same virus she had used on the Beatles.
In fact, there was never an Ono virus, but she had to believe there was, in order to sell the idea to Satan. Unlike God, Satan was not all-knowing, and his grasp of technology and music history was very weak, so all Yoko had to do was dangle the death of the Choir in front of him, and Satan would surely bite.
When Yoko died, Briathos cashed in a favor and had her re-routed to Hell. Regrettably, her soul would burn in agony, but he was confident it wouldn’t last too long. Eventually, Satan would get around to a personal visit, because he liked to collect celebrities—and when he did, Yoko would go to work.
When she presented the idea to him, Satan didn’t think twice. He didn’t think at all. The Celestial Choir, gone! And all he had to do was let this one soul go to Purgatory, where she really belonged. Satan was always very conscientious in keeping up on likely arrivals, and Yoko’s name hadn’t been on his List of the To-Be-Damned, so he knew there had probably been some sort of paperwork error. Sending Yoko to Purgatory was an easy choice, so off she went, released from torment.
Yoko kept her promise, and as far as anyone knew, infected the Celestial Choir with her virus. The Choir fell silent, seemingly a victim of ego, jealousy, and petty bickering. The woman who had broken up the Beatles could now claim the Choir as her greatest triumph. God then unleashed His almighty anger on Earth.
It was a good day to be bad in Hell. Satan, the Lord of Discord, exulted in his evil and cancelled rap (his answer to heavenly music, which he'd never liked and wasn’t getting the job done anyway). He gave his minions the day off and, most importantly, decreased the Pit’s pain level just the slightest bit. Mercy had crept into Satan’s blackness, and as a result, a tiny, unnoticed crack appeared in the Foundation of Hell.
Briathos had never felt more triumphant. Yoko was where she belonged, the Choir would soon return and quiet God's wrath, and at last the end of Hell had begun, however distant. The best part for Briathos was that Satan still hadn’t figured it out, the hallmark of a successful con. Satan was still gloating.
All was right in God’s Kingdom again – until the Archangels Gabriel and Michael handed Briathos a scroll. It was black parchment with fiery red letters, and Briathos suddenly knew it couldn't be a Celestial Commendation. Quite the opposite – it was a Banishment Decree.
God was sending him to Hell.
“Briathos,” intoned Gabriel, “You have been banished by the Most High for your interference with Divine Order by waging personal war against Satan. For such a trespass, there is no forgiveness.”
“You have shaken the Foundation of Hell, so to Hell you must go,” added Michael, with a finality that froze Briathos’ soul, even as he disappeared and his name vanished from the Roll of Angels.
“Poor Briathos,” said Gabriel to Michael, “he won’t be in Hell for eternity, but he can’t know that.”
“Certainly not,” Michael replied, “or he will never be able to convince Satan to take the bait. The key to a successful con is believability. Satan is so eager to receive a fallen angel that he will not question why.”
“Indeed, Satan was never that bright,” added Gabriel, shaking his head, “Briathos will be a mercy virus, infecting Hell with God’s love. The crack that Briathos started will now increase until Hell collapses, when Satan and all those poor souls will finally be redeemed. Briathos will then have his due and become an Archangel, returning to sit in honor among us.”
“No one plays the long con better than God,” said Michael admiringly. “Not even Briathos thinks that big.”
The Celestial Choir soon returned from its break, and on Earth the skies cleared, the waters receded, and no one cared about the length of a cubit.
In Hell, the cracks in the Foundation slowly multiplied and widened a little more as the millennia drifted past.
**********
“The Music Made Me Do It”
It was a dark day, and getting darker. Everywhere, massive thunderclouds unleashed lightening blasts too powerful for any ordinary storm, and weather broadcasters were reduced to using Biblical terms: “Who pissed off God?” asked TV personality Traci Williams on little KRCR, just before the station was blasted out of existence by an especially fierce bolt. God was angry, and not at humans for a change. His Celestial Choir had just disbanded, citing “artistic differences.”
In Heaven, the angels wept, and on Earth, the seas were starting to rise. True believers began building arks, but progress was slow as they squabbled over who was the next new Noah and the actual length of a cubit. Doubters concentrated on other doubts.
Heaven was fighting back, and it was all the doing of one of its own.
It was the angel Briathos' job to thwart demons, but after demons became more metaphorical and less material, he didn’t have much to do. Then, it occurred to him that he hadn’t been thinking big enough. After all, “demon” covered a lot of territory, possibly even Hell, although Hell wasn’t really in his job description. Why not go after the biggest demon of all? Satan had been getting away with too much for too long, yet God just kept saying to be patient, that all would be revealed in time. But Briathos was not convinced. How long had it been since the Rebellion? Hell was flourishing, and Earth was still having religious wars!
Why not take on the Great Deceiver personally? Now there was a challenge worthy of his special talent – the long con. Satan was just another sucker, even though he could breathe fire and rip out souls.
Briathos didn’t bother to ask for God’s permission – there would have been too many forms involved. Besides, He knew everything. If He didn’t stop Briathos, He must have approved. Plus, forgiveness was automatic in Heaven.
A con was a con, and even an angelic one still relied on one basic element: greed. If the mark wanted something badly enough, he would overlook all warning signs in his desire to get it, whether it was money or power or sex. Satan wanted revenge so desperately, Hell burned with it, and Satan was proud – the proudest of them all: it got him kicked out of Heaven. Briathos figured he could certainly work with that.
He needed a way to introduce mercy into Hell. Heaven overflowed with it, but it was completely absent from Satan’s domain. The very Foundation of Hell was built on one principle: no mercy, forever. If you didn’t make it into Heaven, or at least Purgatory, your immortal soul was consigned to the indescribable, unimaginable torment of Hell for eternity, and it would only get worse, never better. Satan’s minions might get a vacation day now and then, but they were special. They weren’t there for the torture, they ran the place.
If Briathos could get Satan to act just once with even the smallest amount of mercy, the Foundation would crack, and even the tiniest chip would eventually make Hell come tumbling down. Best of all, he essentially had forever for it to happen.
The prize for Satan was going to be the Celestial Choir, one of God’s earliest and most cherished accomplishments. Its divine music filled Creation, for those who listened. Getting the cooperation of the Choir turned out to be easy, as they had been singing since the First Cause, and wanted a break.
Briathos' bait was Yoko Ono, the mortal wife of John Lennon, unfairly pilloried for breaking up the Beatles, and on track for Purgatory. He thought that if he could temporarily divert her to Hell and use her as a Trojan horse, his plan would work.
Shortly before her death, he appeared before Yoko in a vision, and told her that she was going to Hell, but she could get out if she convinced Satan she could ruin the Celestial Choir by infecting it with the Ono virus, the same virus she had used on the Beatles.
In fact, there was never an Ono virus, but she had to believe there was, in order to sell the idea to Satan. Unlike God, Satan was not all-knowing, and his grasp of technology and music history was very weak, so all Yoko had to do was dangle the death of the Choir in front of him, and Satan would surely bite.
When Yoko died, Briathos cashed in a favor and had her re-routed to Hell. Regrettably, her soul would burn in agony, but he was confident it wouldn’t last too long. Eventually, Satan would get around to a personal visit, because he liked to collect celebrities—and when he did, Yoko would go to work.
When she presented the idea to him, Satan didn’t think twice. He didn’t think at all. The Celestial Choir, gone! And all he had to do was let this one soul go to Purgatory, where she really belonged. Satan was always very conscientious in keeping up on likely arrivals, and Yoko’s name hadn’t been on his List of the To-Be-Damned, so he knew there had probably been some sort of paperwork error. Sending Yoko to Purgatory was an easy choice, so off she went, released from torment.
Yoko kept her promise, and as far as anyone knew, infected the Celestial Choir with her virus. The Choir fell silent, seemingly a victim of ego, jealousy, and petty bickering. The woman who had broken up the Beatles could now claim the Choir as her greatest triumph. God then unleashed His almighty anger on Earth.
It was a good day to be bad in Hell. Satan, the Lord of Discord, exulted in his evil and cancelled rap (his answer to heavenly music, which he'd never liked and wasn’t getting the job done anyway). He gave his minions the day off and, most importantly, decreased the Pit’s pain level just the slightest bit. Mercy had crept into Satan’s blackness, and as a result, a tiny, unnoticed crack appeared in the Foundation of Hell.
Briathos had never felt more triumphant. Yoko was where she belonged, the Choir would soon return and quiet God's wrath, and at last the end of Hell had begun, however distant. The best part for Briathos was that Satan still hadn’t figured it out, the hallmark of a successful con. Satan was still gloating.
All was right in God’s Kingdom again – until the Archangels Gabriel and Michael handed Briathos a scroll. It was black parchment with fiery red letters, and Briathos suddenly knew it couldn't be a Celestial Commendation. Quite the opposite – it was a Banishment Decree.
God was sending him to Hell.
“Briathos,” intoned Gabriel, “You have been banished by the Most High for your interference with Divine Order by waging personal war against Satan. For such a trespass, there is no forgiveness.”
“You have shaken the Foundation of Hell, so to Hell you must go,” added Michael, with a finality that froze Briathos’ soul, even as he disappeared and his name vanished from the Roll of Angels.
“Poor Briathos,” said Gabriel to Michael, “he won’t be in Hell for eternity, but he can’t know that.”
“Certainly not,” Michael replied, “or he will never be able to convince Satan to take the bait. The key to a successful con is believability. Satan is so eager to receive a fallen angel that he will not question why.”
“Indeed, Satan was never that bright,” added Gabriel, shaking his head, “Briathos will be a mercy virus, infecting Hell with God’s love. The crack that Briathos started will now increase until Hell collapses, when Satan and all those poor souls will finally be redeemed. Briathos will then have his due and become an Archangel, returning to sit in honor among us.”
“No one plays the long con better than God,” said Michael admiringly. “Not even Briathos thinks that big.”
The Celestial Choir soon returned from its break, and on Earth the skies cleared, the waters receded, and no one cared about the length of a cubit.
In Hell, the cracks in the Foundation slowly multiplied and widened a little more as the millennia drifted past.
**********
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-09-17 07:28 am (UTC)I made a "Pbbbt!!" noise in real life when I read this.
“No one plays the long con better than God,” said Michael admiringly.
I made a similar noise when I read this too.
no subject
Date: 2014-09-17 01:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-18 03:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-18 11:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-19 10:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-20 01:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-20 07:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-17 11:24 am (UTC)Now, I know that God is the best at the long con, but I wonder if there's going to be any fallout from Briathos's apparent discarding...
no subject
Date: 2014-09-17 01:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-17 05:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-17 06:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-17 10:36 pm (UTC)Have you read "Good Omens"? Do you read Pratchett? You seem like a Pratchett guy.
no subject
Date: 2014-09-18 12:12 am (UTC)I enjoy playing with details. KRCR is a real TV station, although Traci Williams is just a fictional, empty-headed TV weather "personality" who might very well annoy God, especially the pissed-off kind.
You are not the first person to comment on my density. Teendaughter does it all the time.
If not the Beatles, then who from the '60's? Stones? Credence? Joplin? Hendrix? Cream? No one?
I have not heard of Pratchett -- entice me with some details. I am currently between authors.
no subject
Date: 2014-09-18 01:01 am (UTC)You excel at detail.
Teendaughter is defining dense as slow in growth....for me you are substantial. ;)
The Doors, bb, the Doors. And the Stones. And mod British groups such as the Animals...and baby Zepp. Oh, and Neil. Always Neil and Bob.
You haven't heard of Terry Pratchett? *stunned* Primer is here -
http://www.terrypratchettbooks.com/
I am one of his fans that don't believe Discworld needs to be entered in order. I pick and choose. All of his Death titles are superb. The Hogfather is delightful. He's scathingly funny. Twain-like.
And he co-wrote an angel/demon tome with Neil Gaiman -
http://www.amazon.com/Good-Omens-Accurate-Prophecies-Nutter/dp/0060853980
Check the reviews there - 1,086 people can't be wrong.
no subject
Date: 2014-09-18 01:09 am (UTC)All excellent music choices, and favorites of mine as well.
For teendaughter, "dense" means thick-headed, as in "you're so dense -- you don't understand anything!"
I will have to look into Pratchett. Never be surprised if I haven't heard of a living author. I'm a literary ghoul -- I hang out with the dead ones.
no subject
Date: 2014-09-18 07:16 am (UTC)just before the station was blasted out of existence by an especially fierce bolt.
Ouch! And yet, why tempt fate? See where it gets you?
The idea that Satan created rap music makes all kinds of sense to me, as I'm sure you know. :D
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Date: 2014-09-18 12:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-18 11:32 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2014-09-18 02:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-18 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-18 02:41 pm (UTC)"It was a good day to be bad in hell " ....
" Satan didnt think twice. He didnt think at all .....
Such lovely nuances.
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Date: 2014-09-18 07:07 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2014-09-18 08:34 pm (UTC)That line cracked me up because I immediately thought of one of his other names.
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Date: 2014-09-18 09:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-18 10:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-18 09:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-09-18 09:34 pm (UTC)